More Dragon Diaries, An Experiment In Microfiction

Here’s another round of Dragon Diaries. For an explanation of how this got started, the original Dragon Diaries SFN post is here. Part three: DD 3 To find out where it goes, you can watch the experiment continue on twitter and facebook for however long it  continues. UPDATE: Round 3.

Tried cat’s suggestion about flying with my mind. What’s the sound of one mind flapping? It’s “Aieeee—thud.” Stupid cat.

Rainy day. No flying. Ated a knight, two squires, four horses and a page. Napping now. Zzzzzzzz.

Said to cat “If cat so smart/ let cat fly with mind. What the sound of one cat flapping? “Buzzzip, buzzip—we can fly, we just don’t.” Stupid cat.

Cat says if I bring home big fishies, cat will teach me to fly with my mind. Still think it would be easier to just use wings.

Woke up hungry from flying attempts. Ated princess. Better than mime, but not as good as knight. Need to find new knight bait.

Monk came by to talk about evils of ateding thinking beings. Lots to ponder there. BTW, monk tastes better than knight.

Brought cat fishes to teach me flying. Said I had to put my mind in opposition to the ground. Still not flying. Stupid cat.

Okay, maybe cat not so stupid after all. Mind in opposition to ground plus flapping wings really hard is working. Flew after a feathered serpent and ated it.

BTW, flying snake tastes …like chicken…. Only more feathers to get caught in your teeth. Ptui.

Hungry, check. Want sparklys, check. Need a new princess, check. Flying, check. Time to find a castle. Cat agrees. Sparklys!

Found a pretty castle full of happy singing people. Tried to ated them, but they were plastic. Ptui. Cat says: Stupid Disney.

Tried another castle. Downside, everyone ran away so I only ated 2 knights. Upside, they left their sparklys. Yay sparklys!

Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly gold and sparkly silver. Sparkly jewelry and sparkly gems Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! Whee!

Not sure why, but cat’s been muttering about dragon-nip and attention span since we brought the sparklys home. Silly ca—Ooh…Sparkly! Sparkly Sparkly!

Cat says that gold doesn’t exist until you count it. One-two-three-Sparkly. No. One-two-three-Sparkly. Damn it! One-two-three-Spa-argh! Stupid cat.

Five-hundred-and-twen-spar

kly. Argh! OK, that’s it, going to ated the stupid cat… And…sigh, nope. Still tastes like friend. Sorry cat.

Tasted cat again this morning. Same result as last two time. Couldn’t ated something that tastes like friend. Off to find Baron now. Cat says they’re like knights, but with more marbling. Have high hopes.

Found Baron hiding in castle smokehouse and ated him. Now know Cat was right, Baron good. Also now know bacon better! Bacon!

Bacon! Bacon! Bacon! Cat said: Bacon, baron, tomayto, tomahto. I replied: Screw the tomatoes and the lettuce! Bacon! Bacon! Bacon!

Stoking up my tummy with shiny black rocks and mesquite chips for experiment in smoking fresh caught barons. Hard not to ated them now!

Minuses: Owe cat apology-fishes for near perforation. Ambushed by sheriff and troop of archers today. Pluses: Tasty tasty archers.

Saw horse with horn on face, tried to ated it. Now covered in sticky rainbow and cat laughing at me. Stupid cat. Stupid pointy-face horse.

And for the Unicorn’s point of view: Went out for my morning glitter to make the flowers blossom and the sun shine just right. But a big mean dragon attacked me. So I farted a rainbow in his face and escaped. Stupid dragon.
Stupid dragon! Had to glitter twice as hard to open all the flowers from yesterday too. Off to beautician for kornacure and a hoof-peel now. Think I’ll try that new pink polish. Love the way the old horn looks in pink.

Saw pointy-face horse again. Cat suggested hunt to learn habit first, ated later. Followed to beauty shop. Took next chair. Now have pink claws, argh! Pink. Claws. !?! Stupid beauty shop. Stupid pointy face horse. Stupid cat.

Paid extra to have permanent epoxy mixed into nail polish they put on stupid dragon. Hee! Off to bestow my glorious presence on life.

Had to burn nail-polish off with fire-breath. Ignoring pointy-face horse in future, no matter how very very tasty it looks. Really!
Ate a big meal of sugar and spice and everything nice. She was delicious. Then made some more rainbows. (Seriously, what did you think that whole maiden thing was about?)
Coldwetmiserable out. Wanted to sleep in but too hungry. Tasted cat again. Still tastes like friend. Also just not enough there to bother ateding. Agreed to go get fishes. Wet anyway plus felt guilty.

Saw pointy-face horse again. Still looked delicious, but I promised cat to ignore it. Found knight instead. Ated him, but only for horse. Do I have a problem?

Bumped into pointy-face horse while casually lurking in forest near beauty shop. Did not ated for cat’s sake. Also, pointy-face horse is fast!

Thought I saw the stupid dragon. Laid down a cloud of rainbows and bolted. Off to shimmer in the wabe. It’s glitter-time, Baby!

Couldn’t figure out why I can’t stop thinking about ateding pointy-face horse till cat said unicorn sparkly. Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! Then cat sighed.

Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! Want sparkly! Sparkly gold! Sparkly gems! Sparkly jewelry! Less sure about sparkly pointy-face.

Was going to hunt sparklys but rolled on back to scratch wings and cat curled up on chest and started purring. Can’t move now. Cat sleeping. Shhh.

Saw four matched white mares pulling a rich merchant’s coach. Pretty things. If only they had horns…

Ated merchant and took his sparklys. Ated his horses too. All white like pointy-face. Pretty things. If only they had horns…

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There are 10 comments. Get the RSS feed for comments on this entry.

  1. 1. Edd Vick

    These really need to be a book! Yay! Too bad I no longer publish. Boo. If you work up a mss you should try Andrews McMeel or someplace similar.

    http://www.andrewsmcmeel.com/

  2. 2. Kelly McCullough

    Thanks, Edd Vick. Much appreciated. I’m pretty sure that at some point I’ll do something by way of knocking them into a manuscript and sending them out, but at the moment it’s not something I have the energy for–mostly because I have no idea how to go about sell an idea that looks like this.

  3. 3. Deb Salisbury

    ROFL! Love the dragon. Adore the cat. Mean old sparkly pointy-face! ;-)

    In short doses, this is brilliant. I wonder if it would work in book form, though. Perhaps as interludes in a dragon-hunter’s story?

  4. 4. Adele

    Once again awesome. Cat is brilliant, would love to know what Cat really thinks.

  5. 5. Kelly McCullough

    Deb Salisbury, I’m not sure honestly, I think it might work for an illustrated chapbook, where the length is shorter.

    Adele, I am doing occasional cat segments as well under #dragonzcat hashtags (was dragonscat but that just looks wrong) but I didn’t want to clutter this up too much. These scatter in in the area below Unicorn’s sugar and spice entry:

    #dragonzcat: *Shaking head* Dragon said through a mouthful of drool. This won’t end well.

    Rainy day. Napping. Sent dragon for fishes. Very useful pet, though I wish dragon would stop trying to groom me. Knight-breath is gross.

    So I say to the dragon, “You’ve been chasing unicorns again.” D says, “Have not.” I say, “Then why the dried rainbow on your snout?” D says, “…”

  6. 6. Mac

    “Then why the dried rainbow on your snout?”

    AWESOME. :-)

  7. 7. Dameia

    You can always tell the people who actually have cats from those who just pretend. :)

  8. 8. Kelly McCullough

    Mac, thank you.

    Dameia, well sure, if we get it wrong they’ll eat us.

Pingbacks

  1. Dragon Diaries Part The Third at SF Novelists
  2. Just For Silly’s Sake—The Dragon Diaries (updated) at SF Novelists

Author Information

Kelly McCullough

Kelly McCullough is a fantasy and science fiction author. He lives in Wisconsin with his physics professor wife and a small herd of cats. His novels include the WebMage and Fallen Blade series—Penguin/ACE. His short fiction has appeared in numerous venues including Writers of the Future and Weird Tales. He also dabbles in science fiction as science education with The Chronicles of the Wandering Star—part of an NSF-funded science curriculum—and the science comic Hanny & the Mystery of the Voorwerp, which he co-authored and co-edited—funding provided by NASA and the Hubble Space Telescope. Visit site.

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