Just For Silly’s Sake—The Dragon Diaries (updated)

This is how my brain amuses itself when I’m too sick to read* or do anything else that takes real focus. Dragon diaries in twitter size chunks:

Hatched today. A nice man was waiting for me with harness and food. He wanted to be my friend. I said yes. Then I ated him.

Alternatively. I am a pretty gold dragon. I hatched today. Girl was waiting. Told her my name was Henth. Then I ated her.

I went to the barn. There were many animals. I ated them. Except the cat. I only tasted the cat. I did not ated it. Good cat.

After I finished ating the barn animals I brought the cat in to sleep on my pillow. We will dream of fishies and ated them.

Met a knight today. He tried to poke me with sharp stick. I didn’t let him. I did not ated him. How do you shuck a knight?

Got note from great aunt Kayath about knights. Came with churchkey. Opened knight and ated him. Prefer fresh to tinned meat.

Am going looking for a princess. Have heard they make great ateding. Will bring cat for company.

No princess yet :-( I did find several walruses. I ated them, but they weren’t very good. Cat says we should find fishes.

Made cat sack from walrus. Cat didn’t seem very appreciative. Saw, gnomes? Yes, gnomes—a six pack. Ated them. Gnom gnom gnom.

Saw a knight on a horse but couldn’t catch it. Hungry. Tasted cat again this morning just in case. Still not going to ated it

Found large pile of oily black rock. Ated it. Belched fire for six hours. Bad heartburn. Yet, have strange craving for more.

I don’t get what the big deal is about dragons and gold. I mean sure its all…sparkly. But that doesn’t…really sparkly. Spar—

Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly!

Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! What’s that kitty? I said that already? Really? Sorry…deep breaths. In, out, in, out…sparkly?

Cat points out that there is no gold here. Sigh. Maybe later. In the meantime, ated mime. Worse heartburn than black rock.

Not sure about ateding mimes. Too much gas later—silent but deadly. On the other claw, it’s one box they’ll never get out of.

Found princess and have set her out front as knight-bait. No more mime-indigestion. Thinking of collecting shields. Sparkly.

Princess is working. Have landed first knight and ated him. I was hungry so just roasted. Will think about a glaze next time.

Mellow day, slow-roasted knight with garlic at joints. Cat says it’s my best effort yet. Ated a couple of goblins too.

Found 5 gold coins in knight’s saddlebags and put them on pillow. Sparkly! Sparkly! Sparkly! Going to bed now.

Stayed in bed today. Cat says it was so I could look at SPARKLY gold on pillow. I say I’z just tired. Oh, and I ated a troll.

Troll left me feeling a need to clean out the digestive system. Ate more black rock. Flaming troll belches…yech. Still, fire!

Having trouble sleeping because my back was very itchy. Asked cat to scratch it and shed some skin. Turns out I have wings!

Updated:

So far wings do not equal flying. Wings equal falling less fast. On the upside, landed on a gryphon and ated it. Most yummy!

Still not flying. I hope these wings aren’t just decorative. I like being pretty as much as the next dragon, but want to fly! How else am I going to ated more gryphons? Or hippogryphs? Oh, and I want to try Roc too. Cat says birdies are ated heaven.

Cat says that dragons don’t really fly with their wings, they fly with their minds. Confused. How do you flap your mind?

Updated:  Dragon Diaries 2 and DD 3

That’s all so far but they’ve been well enough received that I imagine I will continue posting them on twitter and facebook, and who knows, they may become a chapbook at some point.

*I spent the last part of March flat on my back with a nuclear grade stomach virus that put me in the emergency room early on. There was morphine and intravenous fluids and anti-emetics and all kinds of fun. I was too sick to even read for about twelve days. However, I wasn’t too sick for boredom. That meant that I spent a good bit of time staring at the ceiling in dire need of entertainment. To fill the void my brain started scripting out the very silly little bits of dragon diary here.

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There are 23 comments. Get the RSS feed for comments on this entry.

  1. 1. Deb Salisbury

    LOL! Love your dragon diary.

  2. 2. Kimberly Frost

    Love it! Would never wish a stomach virus on anyone…unless it means they’ll write something that entertains me. In hopes of more dragon diaries, I’m sending you a nice raw chicken for you and the kitties to snack on. What’s that? Salmonella? *blushes furiously* Dragon diaries, funny. Want more. Got carried away…

    JK about the raw chicks. Be well, friend!

    Kimber

  3. 3. Kelly McCullough

    Thanks, Deb.

    Kimber, heh, I’ll make sure to thoroughly cook any mystery chicken that shows up in my mailbox. Glad you’re finding them fun.

  4. 4. KS Augustin

    Oh that’s gorgeous, Kelly. Following you right NOW! lol

  5. 5. Lianne

    Ah, now that’s why I love my MP3 player now. When I’m too sick to read (like the three days I spent in the hospital on morphine with a gallbladder attack last year), I can listen to other people read me stories.

  6. 6. Kelly McCullough

    KS Augustin, cool, glad you like them.

    Lianne, the problem was that I didn’t have enough attention span for real stories. Eyes and hands were working fine, so physically I could have read—I actually tried for a little while but I couldn’t process properly because my brain was breaking time up into unrelated twenty second chunks and I simply couldn’t follow a linear narrative. Eventually I got enough brain back to watch movies that I knew well, and I could probably have listened to audio books then, but that was several days after the dragon diaries point in the process.

  7. 7. margaret y.

    The mime was my favorite part.

  8. 8. Barry Holmes

    Can’t breathe… laughing… too… hard…

  9. 9. Kelly McCullough

    Margaret, yeah, there’s something about mimes that makes them a really tempting target for humor.

    Barry, thanks! that’s exactly the kind of response I hope for with this sort of thing.

  10. 10. Adele

    Totally completely wonderful.

  11. 11. Nobody

    oh, i LOVE it! LOL!

  12. 12. heteromeles

    Poor mime. He didn’t even taste funny.

  13. 13. Kelly McCullough

    Adele, thank you.

    Nobody, likewise.

    heteromeles, that was lovely. *sustained applause*

  14. 14. CC

    I think everyone (authors, that is) does stuff like this when they can’t do anything else. Although they probably aren’t as funny af the dragon story.
    have you ever thought about naming the dragon or the cat? Maybe Sparkly would work. Just an arrant thought, this made my day by the way. Thanks.

  15. 15. Kelly McCullough

    CC, I think you’re right, and I’d go further in that I suspect that pretty much everyone does this at least when they’re young. It’s just that writers don’t grow out of it/lose the whimsey as they get older. I suspect that cat will develop a name at some point. I’m less sure about dragon because of the POV of the diaries, but a lot depends on how far I end up carrying this forward.

  16. 16. Missy S

    I would buy this. And read it many many times… this is wondiferous!!

  17. 17. Kelly McCullough

    Missy, cool, glad you enjoyed it. They seem to have developed a life of their own and are continuing on.

  18. 18. aesmael

    Attempting to follow the links to other Dragon Diaries compilations gives this error:
    Warning: Cannot modify header information – headers already sent by (output started at /home/novel/public_html/index.php:2) in /home/novel/public_html/wordpress/wp-includes/pluggable.php on line 890

  19. 19. Kelly McCullough

    aesmael Thanks! Fixed now.

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  4. Dragon Diaries Part The Third at SF Novelists

Author Information

Kelly McCullough

Kelly McCullough is a fantasy and science fiction author. He lives in Wisconsin with his physics professor wife and a small herd of cats. His novels include the WebMage and Fallen Blade series—Penguin/ACE. His short fiction has appeared in numerous venues including Writers of the Future and Weird Tales. He also dabbles in science fiction as science education with The Chronicles of the Wandering Star—part of an NSF-funded science curriculum—and the science comic Hanny & the Mystery of the Voorwerp, which he co-authored and co-edited—funding provided by NASA and the Hubble Space Telescope. Visit site.

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